"Will I Ever Be Normal?"

I guess you could say this pretty much sums up what I wrote last. Here I sat this morning... time to write; five drafts waiting; a notebook full of notes...and nothing will come. The thoughts that burned inside me late last night, are cold.

This morning I was sitting at my quiet coffee shop where I go every morning. I was reading a book and taking some notes when I stopped, laid the pen down, and watched a couple at a table not far away. For one reason or another I tend to watch people, no, I guess the best way to describe it is "I study people." This was what I was doing. I could not hear what they were saying but I watched them for some time. They were talking and laughing. Once in a while one would check his phone, then pass it over the table to the other sharing what was on it, and they laughed together. Normal people.

I, as I often do, was reminded of the one visit I had with my doctor that stands out more than any other. For a lack of words I guess you could say I was "green" regarding this dreadful illness and had not been seeing the doctor long. I walked over to the window, watching people going about their business downtown, and I asked her "Will I ever be normal? her reply was "It depends on what you call normal." I said pointing down to the crowd of people going about their business, "Like them." She replied "No, you will, no doubt hopefully with treatment and medication get better, but it will never leave you completely. You will not be like them."

My friends, that was depressing! I left feeling worse that when I arrived. Just as I am now, I did not leave her office feeling "Warm and fuzzy inside." 

"My Mind"