My Christmas Gift To You

If I had the power in me I would wrap a special gift and it would be sitting at your doorstep the very first think in the morning. It would be the most precious gift anyone could give you! When you opened it this horrible, incurable illness would be gone from you...forever! Oh, if you truly knew my heart you would know how sincere I am. I wish so much I could give this gift to you. But I cannot, and I'm so sorry.

So the gift I can give you is some advise. We all know we cannot control when the low spirit of depression may come. It usually comes when we least expect it, or want it. You see, many years before I realized I what was wrong with me and finally went to the doctor, I have, I guess I would not say ruined but put a major "damper" on many my little girls Christmas mornings  You try to hide it, but the little cute ones can see right through you! So try this and hopefully it will hep you:

• Make sure you take your medication! Hopefully your timing is so you can take it in the morning
• There had to be your "favorite" Christmas song that makes you feel good and puts you in the spirit. Play it. Play it to death if you have to. Then have it set up so as soon as you get up in the morning, it's the first thing you hear!
• Finally, not knowing your faith, and to be honest I really don't care, it would not hurt to say a quiet little prayer when you go to bed. No matter what your faith, if you are sincere, it will help. A quote is on my desk that I read everyday : "And ALL things whatsoever ye ask in Prayer, believing, Ye shall receive." (Mathew 21:22)

Those who do not know me very well know that I do not write very often, But what I do write, I write with everything in my heart! My wish, from the bottom of my heart is that each you of have a good Christmas and you are able to truly, without any forcefulness enjoy it with your family! I will be thinking of you.

Merry Christmas, and God Bless 

P.S. This is the song I love to hear Christmas Morning

Early Morning Thoughts 11/5/11...(Sharing Again--Nothing Has Changed)

It was sometime between two and three this morning, when the world seemed asleep and at peace, I was sitting here trying to get over a major hurdle in the draft of the next post I promised when like the fog that slowly moves in just before daylight, thoughts of despair and helplessness started entering into my mind. Either brought on by what I was trying to write or just because "It" can, the illness inside of me caused my mind to think... 

"My entire neighborhood was quiet. Except for outside driveway light posts and an occasional porch light on, all the houses were dark. I thought of all the people in bed, asleep, "their" minds are wherever they go when peaceful sleep comes. When they awake, their mind will still be at ease. Mine, it seems, will be never know what that feeling is like. Proof of that is while the country is asleep or out doing what they enjoy, I am still up, possessed on writing about an illness that will not leave. 'It' may at times seem like it has left, but it really never does. It likes to tease and it never fails to creep back in and remind me - I am not in control, it is. I have no say when it will appear, how long it will stay, or how bad it will be. I live everyday a slave to it. What would it be like to go just one day without even one symptom to reminding me of it? And now, this main point I am trying to write so they will understand, does not seem it can be translated into words. By me anyway..."

So, as this happened, I was finished for the rest of the night. I was getting tired of trying to force this - "It" - away, and more thoughts kept coming so I took the medicine and went to bed. It was awhile later when I too fell asleep. I remember thinking just before I started drifting off how I so much looked forward to it. At least, I would not be aware of what was going on in this crazy manic-depressive mind, and the words on that draft that is so difficult to write would for awhile anyway, be forgotten.

I will leave you with a quote that seems like this one just fit the mood: 

"I’d been depressed before, of course. But I’m talking about really depressed. Not just feeling a bit down or sad, a depression that has something to do with biorhythms. I’m talking about the kind of depressed that floats in upon you like a fog. You can feel it coming and you can see where it is going to take you but you are powerless, utterly powerless to stop it. I know now"

Alan Cumming, Tommy’s Tale

"My Mind"

My Mind: Rhythmic Disturbances--Could it Be?

I have over twenty subjects that are either in my notebook or in the draft section in the blog, but here I am, unable to start, add to them, or finish any of them. Why? For two days a particular subject has been burning in my heart, but as I sat here, I look at the rough draft and I feel nothing. My mind will not come up with the words. I try, but I cannot find the passion I had when I first came up with the subject that I thought "I just had to get out!" Last night I thought about it over and over and could not wait to write today!

So, I sit here and with a blank page, write what my mind feels like saying. It may not be good, it may not be worth anything, but something will be written Oh, I wish I could explain in words what this feels like. If anyone who does not have my illness, you would probably say to yourself "my heart is not in it anymore." If you could just understand, and turn that around and realize I really and truly want to! I type one line, delete it, type something else, and delete that, until I get so frustrated I just give up. Last night my mind was burning with fire, words coming and going, ideas, everything so vibrant and real.

But this morning, I am depressed. Not only depressed, but anxious, restless, irritable - I am in a mixed-state that most do not want to be in. Symptoms from mania and depression come flowing in at the same time. It's scary! How come many people get "well" or better as they state, and although every day, faithfully I take my medication also, but as I sit here, I could count at least 7 different traits of manic-depression upon me right now?

I know by research that most of us who seriously suffer from this illness are, for the most part controlled by "rhythmic disturbances" which moods and symptoms change during the course of the day. Many articles and books I have read on this supports that in some, mornings are the worse. In her book "Touched with Fire" Kay Redfield Jamison quotes British psychiatrists W. Mayer-Gross, E Slater, and M Roth describing this very thing:

"An important and significant symptom of the endogenous depression--but also mania --is the daily fluctuation of mood and of the total state. Improvements of all symptoms usually occurs towards evening, the retardation and depressive mood particularly showing a change for the better. In the morning however, the patient wakes direct from sleep into his characteristic somber mood or is normal for a few minutes, before, as he says, the depression come down -like a cloud"

Guess with my particular work schedule, and everything else going on is just about the only time I can write? You got it...in the morning. I guess I just answered my own question as to why I cannot complete what I want to write late in the evenings. Go figure...

"My Mind" --For sale.

Part 2 -The "Unspeakable" Word - Introduction

Coming off from writing: Part 1 "Upbringing: "The Innocence of a Child", looking at the date it was published on October 17th, I cannot believe it was that long ago. To me, my mind, it seems like yesterday for my mind still has not settled down. NOT so much because of WHAT I wrote on the page you read, but because of what I had to force my mind to think of, dwell on, all the underlying implications and variables NOT mentioned to get my point across of how critical it is for a child to have the "upbringing" this little innocent one needs and deserves. In other words, if there is "good" there has to be "evil". If there were no such thing in this mad world as "evil" then the word "good" would have no meaning. This is what my mind had to process and dwell upon while writing that. And, WORSE yet is to come.

These series I am trying to write is so important to me. However, even if I had above average writing skills -which I do not- even if without the illness that handicaps me trying to find the right words to get my point across, there is no way I could do this subject justice in just a couple of pages in a blog. I would love to write a book on it, but I do not think there is an editor out there ready to tackle my writing!

I have always had the blessing of being able to look at other peoples trials or illnesses, then comparing them to my own - I am not so bad off. My dad used to have a saying "it can usually get better, but it can Always get worse!" (There's a clue here somewhere on upbringing). If you go back and read the page I published in May entitled: "It Can Always Be Worse" --My Recent Experience, it will give you an example of what I am talking about.

However, as my illness has changed course in the last few years, that blessing I refer to comes with a price, and it is not pleasant. My condition has changed to the point that any diagnosis we (my doctor and I) had established in the beginning is in the trash can. If my mind dwells on the horribleness of this cruel world when it applies to this subject for any length of time, unconsciously I always gradually change from whatever mood or phase I may be in, and feel the pressure inside me build up, slowly climbing, until I am in such a condition I honestly believe if I do not change my direction of thought I will loose it! Now, "loose it" has many implications. Mentally and I believe physically, this body or mind could not stand it. I feel rage; uncontrollable rage and hatred; horrific pity; pain; hurt...and on and on. Just as it is now, I feel my heart beating harder in my chest, I am getting short of breath, my chest feels like 30 pounds is sitting on top of it, the skin on my entire body is tingling...maybe all these symptoms are not real, just my imagination. Some may say "they're just in your mind"...don't forget what the title of this blog is! Ok?

No, I have not been diagnosed as being Schizophrenia, but this is exactly what I am describing. The above is me in these certain conditions. I have to stop now.

 Here is what is next: Part 2: The "Unspeakable" Word: ABUSE

Part 1 "Upbringing: The Innocence of a Child"

"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it."

Proverbs 22:6

I have tried to keep this short. I have cut 6 pages off already. As my hero John Wayne would say "I am the one that goes around the mountain when ya could have cut through the pass." Sometimes it takes me eight pages to say what most could say in a paragraph. There is so much I want to say about this subject that touches my heart. 

When I was thinking upon this subject the title kept coming into my mind. The word "upbringing" is to me more of an old fashion word, but when I looked it up, it was exactly what I was thinking:

Upbringing: "The way the child is raised: care and teaching given to a child by parents or other people."

Synonyms: Actions, atmosphere, aura, backdrop, cultivation, culture, education, environment, framework, grounding, history, preparation, qualification, rearing, seasoning, tradition, training.

Of course everyone agrees genetics makes us who we are. Our beloved parents gave us our eyes, hair color, bone structure and much more. From them we also inherited some "traits" that, like it or not, this is who we are. In the one of my posts a few weeks ago "Bipolar - It's In The Genes" I quoted Dr. McMahon as saying: "It has been known for a long time that bipolar disorder and manic depression are the most genetic of all illnesses."

That's a powerful statement. A very sad statement for most of us. But for this page regarding the environment of a child growing up, I am taking all mental illness out of the equation. For this one setting, for arguments sake let's assume both parent(s) and children are mentally normal.

I've combed over sites for weeks reading various researcher's views on what is THE MOST determining factor on how we become who we are: Genetics or Upraising. The results will shock you...many contradict each other. So, I'm going to give you just a little bit of information, and a LOT to think about.

"The nurse gently places the tightly wrapped bundle into my wife's exhausted, but waiting arms. Her forehead was wet with perspiration. She looked down at the little girl she carried inside for almost nine months. There is a "glow" about my wife's face that I have only seen at childbirth. It's indescribable. She softly whispers the little girl's name for the first time outside the womb." 

Scientist have always concluded that before birth the infant learns the "melody" of the mother's voice. Now that melody was reinforced by the actual sound, in the same tone, for the first time outside of the womb. I don't think even scientists can measure the significance of this!

 From that very moment forward begins the process of shaping who the child will become. Even the smallest of things- positive or negative- can result in the make-up and therefore the possible outcome of this child into adulthood. When you think of it that way, it is a HUGE responsibility! Through genes, this little child is a by-product of the mother and father. That part is already completed. Now, the infant's little mind is already starting to build based on the information it is fed.

I would like to quote a segment from the piece: "From Neurons to Neighborhoods: The Science of Early Childhood Development:

"Like constructing a house, brains are built upon a strong foundation. This starts before birth, and is very important during the first three years of life. Brain cells are the "raw materials" and a child's experience and interactions help build the structure. Heredity determines the basic number of "neurons" (brain nerve cells) the child is born with."

"Before birth, the baby forms trillions neurons and "synapses" (connections between the brain cells) then it needs. At birth, a baby's brain contains 100 billion neurons, roughly as many nerve cells as there are in the Milky Way." 

{Below is one of the points I want to make}

"A child's experience, good or bad, influences the wiring of his/her brain and the connection in their nervous system. Loving interactions with caring adults strongly stimulate a child's brain, causing synapses to grow and existing connections to get stronger. Connections that are used become permanent. If a child receives little stimulation early on, the synapses will not develop, and the brain will make fewer connections."

"Stress can become toxic when a child has frequent or prolonged experiences like abuse or neglect. High levels can cause brain cells to die and reduces the connections between the cells and certain areas of the brain, harming the vital circuits. In other words, the wiring of the house can be severely damaged or wired wrong if a child is exposed to repeated and longtime stress without the assistance of a caring adult."

I hope we get this! It is not hard then for us to come to the conclusion that like a computer, the adage "garbage-in-garbage-out" applies to a child's mind a million times over. What you program in that little but powerful computer as he/she grows up, will give you the results "you" entered. 

I have said many times over a child's mind is like a sponge. It is so true. A sponge will absorb any type of liquid it comes into contact with - good or bad. If you pour a small puddle of pure bottled water down, the sponge absorbs it completely. If you pour a little puddle of toxic poison down, it will absorb it just the same. It does not know the difference. 

As is with the mind of a child. The young mind will absorb, take in, quickly analyze, categorize, and file and label  EVERYTHING it comes into contact with in newly built storage cabinets. At this stage, it has no reason to think "wait a minute, this is not right" because it does not have anything to "compare it to."

If you ever had a computer you have used for years, you know by experience that over time there are so many programs running in the background, the computer's speed gradually slows down. You have thousands of megabytes used from everything you created and saved, file downloads, videos, junk that has been downloaded and not been purged, and all kind of programs that you do not even know about running from sites you have visited. Suddenly, you decide you can do one of two things, First - if you have the savvy to really do it right, you can basically wipe the drive clean and start fresh. Or, you go and buy a new computer - one that has the software, hard drive, programs already loaded - but no information.

Remember when you got the "brand new" computer and turn it on for the first time? It's so exciting! You hurriedly set up new files, download all fresh data, adjusted the settings just the way you like it, put a new favorite screensaver on that you like - it's all new and even has more memory then the "old" one!

Unfortunately, we cannot do that to children's our minds! WE adults; parents or guardians, are totally responsible for what data or images are entered into that precious child's mind. Nothing, no matter how bad we want can undo what has been done. Doctors and scientists have proven that everything felt, seen, and witnessed by a small child may be forgotten as they grow up - hidden so deep the memory may never retrieve - but it can never be erased. It was the material used to build the little structures foundation and will subconsciously be used to grow into a young child, teenager, and adult. 

Think of it this way. I'm in my early 50's. While not considered old by any means think of all the things I have witnessed in just 50 years! Look around at all the changes in history, technology, politics, economy, religion, family values, social values and acceptance... think of all the feelings and emotions I have dealt with: Love, happiness, security, sadness, life, death, decisions, turmoil, success, failures, feelings from safe to threatened; health, pain, loneliness, evil, destruction...think of the millions upon millions of information has entered my mind through the years of what I saw, read and studied. Think of ALL of this and STOP!

You are 9 years old. What of the above have you felt or witnesses? You probably do not remember back before you were five, so your memory is about 4 years long. What is your mind cluttered with? It is fresh...innocent and pure. Empty of all of the above. This it how it should be.

Myself included, what are we putting in our little child's mind? More importantly though - who is feeding it? If a child is out of bed at 7:00 am, and goes to bed at 8:00 pm, how much time is spent with just ONE of the parents? Six hours (unlikely), three hours? Whatever it is, subtract that from the 13 hours the child is up and going and then that is your answer as to who is programming the mind of our child. Where was he/she? What type of person(s) was he or she with? Do we REALLY know what they believe, what they are saying to them, teaching them with not only words, but with actions; their perspective of raising children; values; morals and the list goes on and on.

Listen, this sounds like I am saying "we" are not good parents because we are not with our children 24/7, and that's not true because there is no way we can be. Trust me, with raising four daughters I have always said I want to move on 500 acres, put a 20 foot security fence around the entire place and raise them safe. Not only is it impossible, but it would not be fair to them because they deserve to live and enjoy life as we did.

History has proven there are no guarantees that a child raised in a loving, warm, caring home they will turn out "good". I am just saying we have ideas, values, dreams, hopes and prayers that our children will be well, healthy and happy when they are grown up. It's OUR responsibility - or rather our Love - that we give them the start they so richly deserve. 

They are innocent of evil. The cruel, inhumane world as we know does not exist in their world, unless someone, usually the one they look up to or trust the most, lets the poison in. Their minds are getting closer now to the teen years and still like sponges they absorb all their surroundings. They are now more and more surrounded by outside influences. Still not seasoned to recognize true harm and danger, they are susceptible to more than we realize. Hurt, danger, poison can come in the form of many disguises. But they are not aware of them all. Sometimes by instinct they "smell" danger, but may not listen to their heart. Unfortunately, the abuse or neglect often comes from the parents, or a person they trust or look up to. The abuse, once done, can never be repaired.

Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children.

-- Charles R. Swindoll

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Coming Next: Part 2: The "Unspeakable" Word  
I may post a few short titles that will be easy on my mind, or quotes that may help you (they always do me) while I am waiting on my mind clear. The all unpredictable manic cycles that come without warning and vary in degree may prolong the next main post. Writing it will surely affect it, pretty much no doubt will trigger it. 

Bipolar--It's In The Genes

With all the uncertainties of bipolar, one thing most professionals agree on is manic -depressive (that's me) is hereditary. At least we are onto something here, I thought, until I read the caption of a recent article by a renown Doctor "Bipolar disorder runs in the family. However, scientists still cannot pinpoint it to one specific gene since there are many other factors that may lead to the manic-depressive illness."

Dr. Francis McMahon, chief of the Genetics Unit of the Mood Anxiety Disorders Program at the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) in Bethesda, Md., said "it has been known for a long time that bipolar disorder and manic depression are the most genetic of all illnesses. There have been three kinds of studies, including family studies that show that bipolar disorder definitely runs in families. The other studies were conducted on twins, identical and fraternal."

"If you have a close family member, you have a 10-fold chance of getting bipolar disorder,” said McMahon. “If you do the math, there is about an 80 percent difference of risk of bipolar, which leaves about a 20 percent chance for other factors, and we know even less about what those are.”

Once a psychiatrist goes over the family history with them, there may have been some illness that occurred in adolescence. People can go months and years being undiagnosed and continue to get a number of episodes down the line. “Bipolar is episodic,” he said. “A lot of studies are about what triggers the episode, but there’s very little evidence of why people get it.”

Ok...now if you didn't think you have bipolar, but now are starting to think of an Aunt, Grandma, or someone else in your family who have bipolar, you might be sweating about now. Take it easy for a little while and listen to me.

In my case, the above is absolutely true! Bipolar, to one degree or another can be traced back generations in my family. BUT...it does not mean every person "in line" of that family tree WILL have bipolar. And, I have seen it in my life and read of dozens of examples that even if a great grandchild has bipolar, he/she may have only a mild depression while the sibling may have full blown bipolar1 manic-depression. As I said, I am a witness to this.

Bipolar runs on my Moms side of the family. (Read the page about my Mom "Having a Loved One Committed - -My Experience"  6/26/11.)  What I want to do is try my best to outline my Family History of Bipolar. I will list the ones who I have seen first hand or have heard of:

Grandfather: 8 Children

There is a mystery regarding the early years of my Grandfather. This was before he became a Christian. As very, very small child, I can remember bits and pieces of "hush" talk. Maybe all the details of the talk is blocked out of my mind. I know there is one Aunt who could probably tell me. But what lays deep in my mind, I do not want her to relive any horror memories. I remember he had a temper that almost got him in trouble several times. I witnessed it. When I was with him, I could see a mood change instantly. Not only a mood change, but a totally different person.

Aunt #1

Referred to her above. Of them all, I was the closest to her. We were around each other a lot. She had a rough personal life. I wish I could remember what she commented on about Grandpa, but I cannot. She talked of suicide off and on during the breakup of her and my Uncle. I know she went to a doctor for awhile. We now live thousands of miles apart, so I don't know to what extent she is suffering. Once in awhile when I talk to her, we joke around, discuss business and then she says she is doing "fairly well."

Uncle # 1

My Uncle is, and has been in bad shape for many years. I would list him as Bipolar--with hallucinations and schizophrenia. We tried to get him help, lasted for awhile, then nothing. My Aunt stands behind him and helps when she can. I know he sold 2 fairly new mint condition Lincoln automobiles in a short span of time because he told my Aunt someone placed a monitoring device in them and listens to everything he says. They also watch him. My Aunt tells me I would not believe what she goes through, the only thing she has going for her is he is a Christian. I cannot do anything for him, but Pray with my Aunt.

Uncle # 1 -Above -(2 Children)

Cousin # 1

Second time he has been in trouble with the law. Drug abuse. As recent as a few months ago, was making Meth when the lab exploded and burned over 60% of his body. Girl he was with is in prison, and he is still recovering. The other Cousin as far as I know has a good family and doing fine.

Mom: (You can read about her here) 3 Sons

**From my Grandpa, there are 3 out of 8 children who has bipolar, or worse. Unless they mask it better than me, I have not seen or heard of any other Aunts or Uncles who has Bipolar.**

ME --well...here I am.

Brother #1

He is not as bad as I am, by any means, but he needs help. We are three years apart. I shared a room with him, worked with him for years. He knows about my problem, and his subject came up and he mentioned "maybe I should go to the doctor." My Sister-in Law agrees. I know him though. He will never go. Don't get me wrong, I talk to him everyday. We joke a lot as brothers do, but he will never go to the doctor. He is a miserable human being. I could go on for hours, but my brother is generally unhappy about everything, and I think he thrives on making everyone around him unhappy also. he is not suicidal at all. Maybe bipolar 2-3 and will no doubt be ok. But those around him will suffer because he is "too good" to go to a doctor.. (I intend on discussing the two of us more at a later date)

My 4 Daughters:

Daughter #1

My oldest -mild bipolar traits has seen a doctor, but had to quit because of no insurance. She is special though. Her bubbly personality and outlook on life in general gets her through for the most part. I hear some of the problems she goes through, and I see the traits, and it hurts. She is special in so many ways. Her family is her life, and I think they pull each other through. What contributes the most though is she is very close to her mother, and I know without a doubt my wife helps her. She wants help so bad but cannot afford it.

The rest of daughters, including my youngest who will soon be 10,  suffer from some form of symptom or another. My wife can list probably in detail some of the symptoms more than I. But I recognize certain quirks, or behavior that throws up a red flag. I remember when I was that age. My only hope and Prayer for my girls is that as they get older, the illness will not get worse. I cannot tell you how many days I see myself at their age and then see my life as I get older get worse and worse.

Looking at this, the above doctors were right. The point I am also trying to make is it does not mean each and everyone within that family will be diagnosed with Bipolar. There are no rules, no standards, no predictability. It's anyone's guess. If you have blood relatives who has bipolar and you seem to be doing fine, then feel very, very fortunate the gene passed you up. From my grandfather all the way down to me, look at how many made it through! 

"My Mind"

Bipolar--The Creative Side-Famous People

A couple of weeks ago there was an article in Newsweek titled “Madman in Chief.” The article was based on the new book “A First Rate Madness” by Nassair Ghaemi, director of the Mood Disorders Program at Tuffs Medical Center. He argues that what sets apart the worlds greatest leaders isn’t some splendidly healthy mind BUT an exceptionally broken one, coupled with good luck to lead when extremity is needed. “Our greatest crisis leaders toll in sadness when society is happy,” writes Ghaemi. “Yet when calamity occurs, if they are in a position to act, they can lift up the rest of us.” He states that what we need for these calamitous times is a calamitous mind, a madman chief in chief, someone whose abnormal brain can solve our abnormal problems. The doctor isn’t saying that all mental illness is a blessing. Only that the common diseases of the mind-mania, depression, and related quirks-should not disqualify one from the top position of the country.


Ghaemi is not the first, by any means, to claim that madness is a close relative of genius. Many poets, painters, actors and composers throughout history have had depression or mania. 

“Men have called me mad," wrote Edgar Allan Poe, “but the question is not yet settled, whether madness is or is not the loftiest intelligence...whether much that is glorious--whether all that is profound--does not spring from disease of thought..."

Many people have long shared Poe's suspicion that genius and insanity are entwined, writes psychiatrist Kay Redfield Jamison, international authority on mental illness. Many poets, painters and composers throughout history have had depression or mania. Some researchers believe that mood disorders allow people to think more creatively and to experience a broad range of intense emotions.


Here's a glimpse of just a few of the gifted and successful figures of our times who have lived with mental illness. (1)

Anna Marie Patty Duke Pearce, Award-winning star of television, Broadway and film; author and spokesperson for mental health: After years of turmoil, she was diagnosed with manic depression (bipolar disorder) "She credits Lithium with keeping her symptoms under control. "No more crazy highs, no more suicidal lows. It's given me a life!" Anna said about her successful treatment.


Winston Churchill 1874-1965, Prime Minister (U.K.): "Had he been a stable and equable man, he could never have inspired the nation. In 1940, when all the odds were against Britain, a leader of sober judgment might well have concluded that we were finished," wrote Anthony Storr about Churchill's bipolar disorder in Churchill's Black Dog, Kafka's Mice, and Other Phenomena of the Human Mind.


Brian Wilson, founding member, producer, composer, and arranger for The Beach Boys: "I went through times that were so scary that I wasn't sure I'd make it through," he recalls in a story in The Los Angeles Times: But he returned triumphant to the stage, having "emerged from his darkest, most paralyzing blue period to again celebrate his music - and the human spirit - with his fans."


Robert Munsch, beloved and best-selling children's author, of such delightful and irreverent books as Mortimer, The Paper Bag Princess and Love You Forever. “About grade seven or eight, things started getting weird and wonky,” he says. “I'd feel great for two weeks, then horribly depressed for two weeks.…" Munsch says he's not classic bipolar, “I'm depressed more than I'm up.” Antidepressant medication has worked well for Munsch, softening his moods but not stifling his creativity.

Art Buchwald, writer, Pulitzer Prize-winning humorist: Buchwald's career, built upon his razor-sharp wit, includes 30 books and syndication in 500+ newspapers. He talks openly about "the black pit" of his mental illness, having been hospitalized for depression in 1963 and for manic depression in 1987. Since his recovery, he has used his high-profile status to educate the public about mental health issues, especially about stigmatization of mental illness in the workplace and the ways it affects employee promotion, job security and work relationships.


Carrie Fisher, actress and author renowned as Princess Leia in Star Wars and daughter of Eddie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds, was diagnosed as manic-depressive at age 24. In her book Postcards from the Edge and the film it inspired, she wrote about her rehab, electroshock treatment and recovery from her illness and her drug addictions. She has started in countless films and television shows and her memoirs and novels have been best-sellers.


Abraham Lincoln, 16th President of the United States:  In Lincoln’s Melancholy: How Depression Challenged a President and Fueled His Greatness, author Joshua Wolf Shenk writes: "Sometimes, a impenetrable fog seemed to settle around him... [At times] Lincoln sunk into a deep depression which deeply worried his friends and led in 1841 to aggressive medical treatment which probably made him worse.


Ernest Hemingway: Winner of the Pulitzer Prize (1952), and the Nobel Prize in Literature (1954), the novelist's suicidal depression is examined in The True Gen: An Intimate Portrait of Ernest Hemingway by Those Who Knew Him by Denis Brian.


Mike Wallace, Co-Editor of 60 Minutes "On two or three occasions, I came very, very close [to suicide]. But, when I got the right help and treatment, I was able to put that behind me....There's nothing, repeat, nothing to be ashamed of when you're going through a depression. If you get help, the chances of your licking it are really good….[Having battled depression] I'm more compassionate, I'm more understanding and, ultimately, my life has been a lot fuller because I experienced this," he says in an interview with CBSCares.


Dave Matthews, chart-topping musician, composer: "I was depressed. It was not a good time for me," he told Rolling Stone magazine. "I was feeling remarkably alone… I don't want to be someone who writes about how sad I am, I'd rather write…with some sort of strength. Otherwise, I don't think there's any gift - or offering - being made. I would like to be an inspiring force." A new album, with an entirely new sound, essentially saved Dave's life; he finally felt good about what he'd accomplished.

Judy Garland, singer, Oscar-winning actress: Performing from the age of two, she starred in countless musical films and thrilled audiences with her live performances. She led a life of great highs and deep lows; through it all though, her inestimable talent shown.


William Styron, Pulitzer Prize winning novelist: After being fired from McGraw-Hill for tossing balloons out an office window, he co-founded the Paris Review. His books included The Confessions of Nat Turner, about black slavery, for which he won the Pulitzer Prize in 1968, and Sophie's Choice, which was made into a powerful and moving film.

After "having trudged upward out of hell's black depths," he wrote Darkness Visible: A Memoir of Madness in 1990, an uplifting and probing look at depression. He died in 2006 of pneumonia.


Zack Greinke, Kansas City Royals pitcher, winner of the 2009 American League Cy Young Award: Greinke says he'd prefer to remain anonymous when he's not on the mound. He quit baseball for six weeks in 2006 when he was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder, for which he received treatment. Still extremely shy, he says he’s uncomfortable being around people. "I really don't like having a bunch of attention.”


Emily Dickinson, Nineteenth century poet: In her later years she would sometimes refuse to see visitors that came to her home, only talking to them from behind a door…After the late 1860's, she never left the bounds of the family property, occupying herself with her poetry, letters, baking, and tending the family garden. The most prevalent speculation is that Emily Dickinson suffered from some form of agoraphobia or anxiety disorder.


Kim Basinger, Academy Award-winning actress: `It can hit at any time,'' she says. ``You feel like you're in an open field, and there's a tornado coming at you. And you're just consumed by it.'' Even though her career was booming, she felt crippled and became so depressed she considered suicide. "My therapy was about awareness and education. And it lessened those horrible panic attacks,'' she says, adding that she has learned to face her fears and has regained control of her life.


Carly Simon, Grammy and Academy Award-winning singer-composer: Anxiety, depression and stage fright have haunted her for years. An early '80s concert tour was suddenly canceled when the pop star collapsed backstage. "I was lost. I really was lost." After surviving personal losses and cancer, Simon continues to be successful." I hope that people will be subtly changed by what I've said or written or composed."


Charles Schulz, cartoonist, internationally renowned creator of the "Peanuts" comic strip: He won the Reuben Award, comic art's highest honor; International Cartoonist of the Year award; and an Emmy for "A Charlie Brown Christmas." Despite the success, Schulz struggled with depression and anxiety, according to his biographer, Rheta Grimsley Johnson. But the struggle only improved his work, she found, as he poured those feelings of rejection and uncertainty into the strip and turned Charlie Brown into Everyman.


Eugene O'Neill, famous playwright, author of "Long Day's Journey into Night," and "Ah, Wilderness!” came from a deeply troubled family background, suffering from clinical depression the greater portion of his life. His most famous plays were written between 1935 and 1943 despite persistent mental illness. He is the only American playwright to have won the Nobel Prize for literature.

Dr. Kay Redfield Jamison, prof. of psychiatry at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, MD, author of many books on mental illness. Dr. Jamison has bipolar illness herself and has attempted suicide. Her book "Touched With Fire," lists and describes many famous persons whose lives have been changed by bipolar illness.


Isaac Newton, most famous mathematician of the 17th Century was responsible for many scientific discoveries we take for granted today such as the "corrected" Gregorian calendar date. Newton’s greatest mathematical discovery was the gravitational relationship between the earth and the moon, and of centrifugal force. Newton was well educated, had access to the best knowledge of his day and was wealthy in later life. He suffered from several “nervous breakdowns” in his life and was known for great fits of rage towards anyone who disagreed with him which some have labeled Bipolar Disorder which was unknown at the time. In 1705 Newton was the first Scientist to be knighted by Queen Anne for his great scientific contributions.


Jane Pauley, NBC news broadcaster, since the age of 25, talks candidly about her depression and bipolar illnesses. In her new book, "Skywriting: A Life Out of the Blue."she tells about her childhood and family problems, and how she discovered her need for medication to control mood swings.


John Nash, Nobel Prize Winner in mathematics, has faced a lifelong battle with schizophrenia. He was known as the “Phantom of Fine Hall” at Princeton where his reclusive, ghost like figure could be seen roaming around, leaving messages of his mathematical genus on the boards of empty classrooms. His struggle was well documented in the book "A Beautiful Mind," by Sylvia Nasar which was later made into a movie by the same name.


Linda Hamilton, actress, has gone public with her diagnosis of bi-polar disorder diagnosed at a young age. Hamilton, well known for her part with Arnold Schwarzenegger in "The Terminator" movies explains how helpful medication has been for her and that she understands she will have to be on medication for the rest of her life.


Lionel Aldridge, a football player for the Green Bay Packers during the 1960's, developed paranoid schizophrenia and was homeless for 2 1/2 years. “Once I accepted and cooperated with the treatment, I started to beat the illness.” he said. He now speaks to groups to help them better understand mental illness. He states that he is completely symptom free and that helping others understand mental illness is “therapy” for him.


Ludwig van Beethoven, composer, had bipolar disorder which some have said gave him such creative power that his compositions broke the mold for classical music forever. He was a child prodigy which his father tried to exploit. His “manic” episodes seemed to fuel his creativity. He wrote his most famous works during times of torment, loneliness, and suffering psychotic delusions.

It took him 12 years to finish his last and 8th Symphony in total deafness. He then medicated himself with the only drugs available in that day to bring some relief opium and alcohol and died several years later of liver disease.


Vincent Van Gogh, famous painter and artist was labeled peculiar with unstable moods most of his short life. He suffered from epileptic seizures some believe from excesses of absinthe, very strong liquor popular among talented people for inspiring greater creativity. Many have tried to give a definitive diagnosis of his illness through reading his personal letters. From them it seems clear that his depressive states were also accompanied by manic episodes of enormous energy and great passion. Van Gogh committed suicide at age 37.


Virginia Woolf, the British novelist, born of privilege, experienced the mood swings of bipolar disorder her entire life. She wrote to make sense out of her mental chaos and gain control of madness; and was greatly admired for her creative insight into human nature. She was tolerated by friends and family, receiving great care and understanding during her entire life and because of this, never had to face institutionalization, the only medical “treatment” in those days. She died by her own hand by filling her pockets with stones and walking into a nearby river. The cause of death was determined as "Suicide, while the balance of her mind was disturbed."


Vivien Leigh, actress made famous by her leading role in "Gone With the Wind" and her creative genius for stage and screen, suffered from serious bouts of manic depression, tuberculosis, and poor health her entire life. It was, in fact, because of her illness, that she was frequently cast into roles that required a personal experience of the torment that comes from the experience of this disease.


Vivien was once able to make a full recovery after shock treatments, only to succumb some years later. A nervous breakdown associated with a miscarriage proved to be the unraveling of her marriage with actor Lawrence Olivier who continued to be a devoted friend. She was finally diagnosed with cyclical manic-depression with hallucinations and had to be confined to a nursing home only to recover and return to the screen for her last movie. Leigh finally succumbed to the tuberculosis at the young age of 53 of while filming “The Ship of Fools”. She became known and admired for her ability to fulfill her passionate dream for stardom despite her TB and debilitating manic-depression.


William Styron, author, writes about his own depression in his book, "Darkness Visible: A Memoir of Madness," and his decision to seek help. His earlier works which he wrote prior to his diagnosis and admission of his illness described with uncanny accuracy, the symptoms and the problems he would experience later in his life. He was one of the first to write about other famous persons who struggled with mental illness and for explaining the almost unexplainable experience of a brain disorder to those who had never experienced it in a way which gained their sympathy and admiration.


Winston Churchill, Prime Minister of Great Britain who, as one of the “Big Three” (Churchill, Roosevelt and Stalin) to lead the world to the defeat of Hitler in WWII, told in his own writings of suffering from “black dog” Churchill’s term for severe and serious depression. Less often talked about are his writings of how he often self-medicated with alcohol to deal with these times. Like so many other famous people with a mental illness, he was able to make the great contribution he did through sheer personal determination. There was a nation, he said, and a world depending on his efforts to lead Britain and the world in the defeat of their common and formidable enemy of Nazism.


See! We need to keep this article in front of us at all times! Does it mean that we are also geniuses? No, of coarse not. But, if nothing else, it gives me hope knowing that the greatest people of all times experienced exactly what I am going through everyday. Maybe there is hope for me after all. I still have not found “my special talent’ but who knows?


Just maybe….

(1) http://moodletter.com/GeniusMentalIllness.htm
(2) http://bipolarbatesy.blogspot.com/2011/06/famous-bipolar-people.html