It has been a long time of silence since I wrote "How Much Can I Continue To Bear?" I actually did write you. It is completed and sits it the "drafts" section waiting for me to hit the publish button. I almost published it many times but each time something inside me stopped me.
Following my state of mind in How Much Can I Continue To Bear? And the months preceding it anyone could tell my mental and actual physical survival was held by the strength of a single strand of spider web. I did not publish that last post with the hope that I would be able to speak to you again. The one that is still "pending" would be the last one I would ever write. I'm so glad I waited!
There are two things that had a great impact on the fact that I am here writing you today. I will share these with you next:
1) The unbelievable realization that for all these years I put my very unstable, week life into my doctor's hands; at times on the absolute edge of suicide, and to realize there were critical portions of information (some medical) in my file that could have, did have, affect my life, went unread. An Eight hour Neuropsychological Evaluation taken on June of 2011 --she just now realized some of their recommendations that could have possible helped me over a year ago. (I was not able to obtain a copy until now)
2) And extremely important part of the puzzle is something most people do not realize. Don't brush if off, I just want you to think about something until our next discussion. I'm just going to throw something out there for you. We are battling the mind. The mind is inside the brain that still has science spending their entire careers trying to figure out. BUT away from the brain and completely unconnected with the brain is the Heart and Soul (some look at these from the spiritual realm and not the actual beating muscles of the heart a doctor can hold in his/her hands). It has been stated that once something serious is placed upon the heart, and with complete faith - undoubted, absolute faith, it will produce results. We will look into that later.
You know me. I don't know when my mind will let me sit still enough to write. I will be back as soon as I can. I just wanted to thank you for your thoughts and Prayers. I am still..."trying to hang in there."
"My Mind"
I see a small glimmer. Someday maybe you will share something of what was found that may help you. Or maybe we will find out if and when it does.
ReplyDeleteI believe that the faith of another person added to the absolute of the one will succeed.
Lynne
Thank you. Your comment was special, but more than that, there are a couple of things you said that I believe really "hit home." It is hard. Still fighting the same degree of illness from before while dealing with some doubts and mistrust over the years. I will write. I am trying now. But the mind is not allowing any feelings at all to come through. Thank you...and Bless You!
DeleteI think of you often and look at your blogs once in a while to check on you. I look forward to seeing your next posts and blogs. I hope you have a/some friends or family to express to.
ReplyDeleteIn our area we have a bi polar support group but I haven't gone. I don't know anything about it. I understand that just could not apply to you but what ever. There are a lot of things I have, would never talk about.
Will be looking in and hoping for you.
Lynne
Thank you for your reply. My wife is about the only one I have to talk to...but it's hard for her to understand when she does not feel the pain. I truly wish you the best! Hang in there!
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