Monday, September 27, 2010

I Am Analyzing This Too Much....

I don't know if it's part of the symptoms or if it is just my nature, but I analyze everything. NOT just a little but I mean to death!


There is a movie called "Four Seasons" in which Alan Alda and Carol Burnette were husband and wife and they were in a little argument. She said to him:


"Do you know what your problem is? You analyze everything to death!"
"Do you know why?" he replied
"See!" she exclaimed, "You are even analyzing why you analyzing everything!"


Well, that sums up what has been my problem with not writting for awhile. Yes, I have had a couple bad days in a row that came unexpetdly and took ahwile to calm down, but friends, to be honest with you I feel I am under much more pressure now. It is MY own Fault! I am getting a lot of emails and notes on Face Book, and the group I administer on Face Book under this name, with so many people like myself needing, desperatly seeking help, answers and advise. Oh how I want to help you! If you knew what this is doing to me. I have so much to say that maybe might be of little help to you and I cannot do it in a page. I feel for you so much because what I have been reading, I know exactly where you are coming from! I have been there and still there now!


So what I have been doing is what some professional writters recommend and that is sitting down and trying to outline what I want to say next, in order of importance and what may help you the most. I am sorry, this will not work for me. I am not a professional writer. As I write this, I have several drafts waiting on me to finish, but I cannot yet. It just will not come out. I have hundreds of things I want to say to you, but my time is limited. More importantly, mentally I cannot write that much or that often.


I will go back the way I started in the begaining. I will come to the computer with an idea in my head, and I will see where it may lead from there. This may sound a little off the wall to you, but I have no control of what will come out in the end. Just like here now, unlike the usuall depression, this minute the opposite is happening: my mind is going 100 mph faster that I can type. Ideas and thoughts are coming from everywhere and they are long gone before I can type one line. Part of what I just wrote was not even in my plans. I can only control it to a point. Does any of this make any sence to you?


I do want to say one more thing before I finish this. Now that I know I have Bipolar I, as I reflect on my life, bipolar has been with me since I was a child. It would be safe to say that I have had, from one degree to another, bipolar for over 45 years now. I know what you go through. I wish i could instantly help you! I wish for you and myself there was a immediate cure. What others don't know even reflecting on the above makes us depressed in itself. 


Because you are here means so much to me. My best friend in the world is my wife. She always has and always will be. Other than that I have no friends. But, because we share something in common that is hard to understand, hard to treat, and hard to live with, I feel like I am developing a friendship. So, my friends, please hang in there, and I truly wish you easy roads ahead.


Your Friend,

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