Monday, December 24, 2012

My Christmas Gift To You

If I had the power in me I would wrap a special gift and it would be sitting at your doorstep the very first think in the morning. It would be the most precious gift anyone could give you! When you opened it this horrible, incurable illness would be gone from you...forever! Oh, if you truly knew my heart you would know how sincere I am. I wish so much I could give this gift to you. But I cannot, and I'm so sorry.

So the gift I can give you is some advise. We all know we cannot control when the low spirit of depression may come. It usually comes when we least expect it, or want it. You see, many years before I realized I what was wrong with me and finally went to the doctor, I have, I guess I would not say ruined but put a major "damper" on many my little girls Christmas mornings  You try to hide it, but the little cute ones can see right through you! So try this and hopefully it will hep you:

  • Make sure you take your medication! Hopefully your timing is so you can take it in the morning
  • There had to be your "favorite" Christmas song that makes you feel good and puts you in the spirit. Play it. Play it to death if you have to. Then have it set up so as soon as you get up in the morning, it's the first thing you hear!
  • Finally, not knowing your faith, and to be honest I really don't care, it would not hurt to say a quiet little prayer when you go to bed. No matter what your faith, if you are sincere, it will help. A quote is on my desk that I read everyday : "And ALL things whatsoever ye ask in Prayer, believing, Ye shall receive." (Mathew 21:22)
Those who do not know me very well know that I do not write very often, But what I do write, I write with everything in my heart! My wish, from the bottom of my heart is that each you of have a good Christmas and you are able to truly, without any forcefulness enjoy it with your family! I will be thinking of you.

Merry Christmas, and God Bless 

P.S. This is the song I love to hear Christmas Morning

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Bipolar I: Symptoms: What They Mean and How They Feel --To Come

     I was working on the above title (it may change) when I realized why I was having so much trouble. You see, many of the very things I was writing about, I am going through this very moment. It makes it almost impossible to focus. Here's and example...still taking meds and being treated...of what I am feeling now. I intend to go further in depth with the next post (The above Title) Here are a couple the great attributes of this wonderful illness that is flowing through me: {Notice the mixed states}

Irritable Mood: It would not take much or anyone to set me off.

Tendency to be Easily Distracted: I cannot keep my thought on one thing long enough to finish.

Increased Recklessness: -I leave that one alone for later.

Depression: Where it came from I don't know. Curling up and hiding sounds attractive to me right now.

Guilt: How acted, what I said or did (or may not have said or did) the last couple of days to my family makes the above depression increase dramatically. Friends, as I will bring out later, if possible, people do not realize this can be, and has been for centuries if grouped with just some of the other side-effects, more dangerous and destructive than most combined. I hope you understand this.

I soon will be going to work on a 9 -12 hour stressful job. How can I? But I do. Some may not believe like me, but I say a little Prayer on the way every day. Speaking of the above "Guilt", here's a suicide note written moments before Virginia Woolf killed herself:

"I feel certain that I am going mad again. I feel we can't go through another of those terrible times. And I shan't recover this time. I begin to hear voices, and I can't concentrate. So I am doing what seems the best thing to do. You have given me the greatest possible happiness. You have been in every way all that anyone could be. I don't think two people could have been happier 'til this terrible disease came. I can't fight any longer. I know that I am spoiling your life, that without me you could work. And you will I know. You see I can't even write this properly. I can't read. What I want to say is I owe all the happiness of my life to you. You have been entirely patient with me and incredibly good. I want to say that — everybody knows it. If anybody could have saved me it would have been you. Everything has gone from me but the certainty of your goodness. I can't go on spoiling your life any longer. I don't think two people could have been happier than we have been. V."

"My Mind"