Thursday, August 18, 2011

From My Heart...But Controlled By My Mind

On September 27, 2010  I wrote a piece entitled “I am Analyzing this too much…”  Well, I am back at it again. I am doubting myself - what I should write or not write; how far do I disclose my thoughts - the mental process then, and even now, including some possible disturbing stories and information?
 I have realized while I do not by any means have a large audience, it is a mix between three groups; Physicians; Bipolar Patients; and those who are wanting to learn more about Bipolar. I have received emails from two of the three groups and this is where my dilemma starts.

 Physicians: I cannot tell you what an honor it is to have a few well known experts in the field of Bipolar read this blog from time to time. Without a doubt, the high point since I started this was an Psychologist commented he liked my blog! That did more for me than anything you could imagine! So far, no responses were really negative, but one in particular told me I may want to stay away from the “blood and guts” {Suicide - Homicide} stories and experiences and lean more pages gear toward trying to help people and give them information. I have thought about the deeply.

Patients: A lot have many questions regarding their situation and I believe it helps them to talk to someone. I am here for you. As I mentioned, I can only give advise based on experience, but I will do my best to direct you to an article or website that might help you. I have written a few, like the recent one: Bipolar--The Creative Side-Famous People”; "Starry, Starry Night" which was two of my favorites. I thought these were interesting and informative - they let us all know we are not alone.

Before I started this blog, I had never designed a website in my life. I had never written an article before. What you see here today is a lot of work, many changes, and I am still learning. But I started this blog to tell my story; share information from time to time; and hope that in its own way will become a form a therapy for me. The added benefit I hoped to achieve was that it may help someone else. 

 Now, in analyzing the above, my background and mental condition does not “qualify” to write a blog that is strictly for helping other patients. What would benefit “me” to change the style more professional and write articles what I think people might want me to write? There are hundreds of such blogs out there like that, what’s one more? I may as well just close shop and let the others write.
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So, my dear friends I am just going to be me… good, bad or ugly. The energy I spend writing here comes from my heart, but the master is my mind. Yes, I may write about difficult; painful; horrible unspeakable topics, but that is the reality of a serious Bipolar I Manic Depressive mind controlling what is really a good, kind hearted person.

 I may not have many readers. I never thought I would have as many as I do now…but I can deal with that. I will set here at my desk and open my mind for all to see... and just be me.
This is my mind… 

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